Pretending

(no subject)

Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.




That ought to satisfy those looking for me. I'm not sharing any more for now, though..
Pretending

(no subject)

I'm tired. I'm cold. I'm tired. I have a headache, and I'm missing my beautiful girlfriend. I'm tired, angry, and pissed at the world today. Life can go fuck itself, today, I'm going to do absolutely nothing except sit around and feel sorry for myself. Even laughing on Teamspeak with 39 other cool people through Molten Core in World of Warcraft isn't going to make me feel any better today. Gahh..


.. I hate myself when I get into these moods..
Pretending

Aye Carumba!!

If I had to sum up the last two days in two words, that'd be it. "Aye Carumba!"


Lets backtrack to Tuesday. "Oh the train you're taking? It now leaves at 7:30am, not 8:30." Well, crap, says I, to the guy on the phone from the travel agents. "I guess I'll just have to get to Spencer st. by 7:30ish, then. "Oh, and you need to be there half an hour in advance to book in."

Wait, for a train?

"Yeah." Well, crap, says I. "I guess I'll be at Spencer at 7am Thursday then. Which necessitated waking up around about 6:30 to get in from Eltham/Rosanna. Okay, not a problem. Oh, wait, hang on. Sleeping troubles. I ended up getting no sleep, arriving at the station cold and narrow-eyed, and then, only then, found out that the agent was wrong. On TWO counts. No, the train was not leaving early, it was at it's usual time of 8:30. No, there was no booking in required, the platform would be opened at 8am, and the train would depart at 8:30am. What do you do?

Well, if you're me, you are prepared for something like this. I had the phone number of the travel agents, and I called them, and asked for the man who had spoken to me. They said he was at home, and I replied that it was very urgent that I get in contact with him. They offer to call him and then 3-way it from their end. The bleary voice on the other end answers "Hello?", and I say "The train's on time. I'm not sleeping in.. so neither are you," and hang up. Ahhh, I love being bitter and evil sometimes.

I guess what goes around comes around.. and karma is a fucking bitch..


... because the train trip was HELL. Excluding those who do so for a labor of love, the parents among my readers, how many of you have spent 11 hours in close quarters (ie, sitting right behind) a mother and her 3 month old baby? How many of you have spent those 11 hours wishing your headphones went louder to drown out the whining and crying? (I'm dead serious, here. The baby cried for 11 hours straight. Oh, except for this one time, when it went to sleep for a second, but then the lady's 3 year old son fell out of his seat and slammed into the baby on his way down.. and you can guess what comes next.)

Ahhhh, life is so deliciously evil. If it hadn't been me in the hot seat, I'd have admired the exquisite torture..

.. but What goes around comes around.. and karma really is quite a wonderful thing.

Bec arrived this morning, and all thoughts of bad trains and horrible whining babies were completely, totally, 100% forgotten. Ahh, it's so good to be here. I'm staying in a 4 star hotel, I can relax in the ensuite spa-bath.. with Bec's laptop hooked up to the wireless an arms reach away. I think I'm in love.


Wait, I know I'm in love. More later.



PS, Zy_ Diddy, you might enjoy this, if you haven't seen it already: Evangelical Scientists refute Theory of Gravity
Pretending

(no subject)

Uhhh. Things happen in crazy ways.


Lets just say.. divine intervention (of a sorts) just hit.. and I am flying to Los Angeles to spend 3 months (with virtually no money to my name, harhar) in the United States.


And.. uh.. this is good news. I think. Err.



I'M GOING COMPLETELY INSANE AND I LOVE IT! WOO!
Moon

(no subject)

This is all over the news. The timing and methodology are interesting. The reporting is even more so. I can't wait to see the response...


.. so much for breaking the camel's back. (I apologize for the horrible pun..)
  • Current Music
    Metallica - S&M - Master of Puppets
Silent

Just when you think nothing else can go wrong...

... it does. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by now, in my life's incredible ability to completely turn itself upside down in a short space of time. Things look up, bamf, I'm face back down on the ground. I pick myself up slowly, only to be kicked back down just when I finally seem like I'm getting better.

sigh


I want to hide away, but hiding away isn't exactly an option right now. I wish I could just crawl into a crack and disappear, but too many people know where I am, and too many people care about me. If I could just go back, uninvolve myself, destroy the bridges before the foundations are done, I could vanish. There are.. places I could go. Things I could do. I know how to disappear if I have to, I've done it more than once already, hiding myself away from more than one group of people out to get me. Though hiding out from federal police with an interest in finding you would be a bit more tough.


That said..


.. I wish I had the strength to face what I have to do instead of turning away every challenge. I used to be able to handle everything. What happened to the kid who the world couldn't drag down, despite his losses and troubles? I wish I was that strong again. This town has sapped my energy, sapped my interest, and finally started sapping my sanity..
  • Current Music
    Metallica - S&M - Human
Pretending

(no subject)

At the start of the year, I had the most vivid dream I've ever had. Even now, it's still as vivid in my memory as it was when I first woke up, screaming in pain and covered in sweat. In the dream, I am strapped tightly to a metal cross, stripped naked, with rends in my flesh and a finger missing, with a demonic face pressed into mine. The demon-thing runs it's fingers across my chest again and opened up new rends, before it steps back and I realise that I'm not alone. Around me are four other demons, with faces twisted by hate and anger. But each face seems vaguely familiar. One raises its arms and flames lick around my feet - the smell of burnt flesh fills the room I am in, and the pain is unbelievable, then it goes away, just for a moment, before it starts again.. this time the flames cover my entire body, and I burn, writhing and screaming in pain.

The last thought before everything goes dark and I wake up, is a quote, from a movie: "There is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.."


I only ever had the dream once. I never thought anything of it. But the night before I caught the bus home, I had the dream again. This time, the faces were recognisable. This time, I knew exactly who the 'demons' were. My flatmates, and my landlord. I didn't realise it fully until I arrived home this evening, and one of them had her face screwed up, pressed into mine, screaming at me. I had seen it before...

.. I don't want to dream tonight. I already know what I'll find there.
  • Current Music
    Anathema - Fragile Dreams
Pretending

stuff

My dreams are random, short, brilliant, yet doomed. I mourn their passing every morning.


Yesterday I was arrested for tomorrows murder,
Tomorrow I am released for yesterdays suicide..
  • Current Music
    The Offspring - Amazed