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Tales of the Restless Dead [entries|friends|calendar]
Gabriel Blade

[ website | Unforums - ARG Paradise ]
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[01 Oct 2005|11:40pm]
Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.




That ought to satisfy those looking for me. I'm not sharing any more for now, though..
1 silent tear :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[26 Aug 2005|06:35am]
I'm tired. I'm cold. I'm tired. I have a headache, and I'm missing my beautiful girlfriend. I'm tired, angry, and pissed at the world today. Life can go fuck itself, today, I'm going to do absolutely nothing except sit around and feel sorry for myself. Even laughing on Teamspeak with 39 other cool people through Molten Core in World of Warcraft isn't going to make me feel any better today. Gahh..


.. I hate myself when I get into these moods..
2 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[25 Aug 2005|11:42pm]
I couldn't help but post this one for you magnificent people..

We all suffer irrational hate towards computers sometimes, right?Collapse )


"<Monique> some people are just too intelligent to share the planet with us"
1 silent tear :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

Aye Carumba!! [19 Aug 2005|05:25pm]
If I had to sum up the last two days in two words, that'd be it. "Aye Carumba!"


Lets backtrack to Tuesday. "Oh the train you're taking? It now leaves at 7:30am, not 8:30." Well, crap, says I, to the guy on the phone from the travel agents. "I guess I'll just have to get to Spencer st. by 7:30ish, then. "Oh, and you need to be there half an hour in advance to book in."

Wait, for a train?

"Yeah." Well, crap, says I. "I guess I'll be at Spencer at 7am Thursday then. Which necessitated waking up around about 6:30 to get in from Eltham/Rosanna. Okay, not a problem. Oh, wait, hang on. Sleeping troubles. I ended up getting no sleep, arriving at the station cold and narrow-eyed, and then, only then, found out that the agent was wrong. On TWO counts. No, the train was not leaving early, it was at it's usual time of 8:30. No, there was no booking in required, the platform would be opened at 8am, and the train would depart at 8:30am. What do you do?

Well, if you're me, you are prepared for something like this. I had the phone number of the travel agents, and I called them, and asked for the man who had spoken to me. They said he was at home, and I replied that it was very urgent that I get in contact with him. They offer to call him and then 3-way it from their end. The bleary voice on the other end answers "Hello?", and I say "The train's on time. I'm not sleeping in.. so neither are you," and hang up. Ahhh, I love being bitter and evil sometimes.

I guess what goes around comes around.. and karma is a fucking bitch..


... because the train trip was HELL. Excluding those who do so for a labor of love, the parents among my readers, how many of you have spent 11 hours in close quarters (ie, sitting right behind) a mother and her 3 month old baby? How many of you have spent those 11 hours wishing your headphones went louder to drown out the whining and crying? (I'm dead serious, here. The baby cried for 11 hours straight. Oh, except for this one time, when it went to sleep for a second, but then the lady's 3 year old son fell out of his seat and slammed into the baby on his way down.. and you can guess what comes next.)

Ahhhh, life is so deliciously evil. If it hadn't been me in the hot seat, I'd have admired the exquisite torture..

.. but What goes around comes around.. and karma really is quite a wonderful thing.

Bec arrived this morning, and all thoughts of bad trains and horrible whining babies were completely, totally, 100% forgotten. Ahh, it's so good to be here. I'm staying in a 4 star hotel, I can relax in the ensuite spa-bath.. with Bec's laptop hooked up to the wireless an arms reach away. I think I'm in love.


Wait, I know I'm in love. More later.



PS, Zy_ Diddy, you might enjoy this, if you haven't seen it already: Evangelical Scientists refute Theory of Gravity
2 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[16 Jul 2005|09:57pm]
Uhhh. Things happen in crazy ways.


Lets just say.. divine intervention (of a sorts) just hit.. and I am flying to Los Angeles to spend 3 months (with virtually no money to my name, harhar) in the United States.


And.. uh.. this is good news. I think. Err.



I'M GOING COMPLETELY INSANE AND I LOVE IT! WOO!
9 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[08 Jul 2005|01:24am]
[ mood | cold ]

This is all over the news. The timing and methodology are interesting. The reporting is even more so. I can't wait to see the response...


.. so much for breaking the camel's back. (I apologize for the horrible pun..)

1 silent tear :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

Just when you think nothing else can go wrong... [07 Jul 2005|11:48am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

... it does. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by now, in my life's incredible ability to completely turn itself upside down in a short space of time. Things look up, bamf, I'm face back down on the ground. I pick myself up slowly, only to be kicked back down just when I finally seem like I'm getting better.

sigh


I want to hide away, but hiding away isn't exactly an option right now. I wish I could just crawl into a crack and disappear, but too many people know where I am, and too many people care about me. If I could just go back, uninvolve myself, destroy the bridges before the foundations are done, I could vanish. There are.. places I could go. Things I could do. I know how to disappear if I have to, I've done it more than once already, hiding myself away from more than one group of people out to get me. Though hiding out from federal police with an interest in finding you would be a bit more tough.


That said..


.. I wish I had the strength to face what I have to do instead of turning away every challenge. I used to be able to handle everything. What happened to the kid who the world couldn't drag down, despite his losses and troubles? I wish I was that strong again. This town has sapped my energy, sapped my interest, and finally started sapping my sanity..

Make a Silent Cry to your God

... [07 Jun 2005|05:21am]
[ mood | tired ]

I miss sleep. :(

Make a Silent Cry to your God

[01 Jun 2005|08:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

At the start of the year, I had the most vivid dream I've ever had. Even now, it's still as vivid in my memory as it was when I first woke up, screaming in pain and covered in sweat. In the dream, I am strapped tightly to a metal cross, stripped naked, with rends in my flesh and a finger missing, with a demonic face pressed into mine. The demon-thing runs it's fingers across my chest again and opened up new rends, before it steps back and I realise that I'm not alone. Around me are four other demons, with faces twisted by hate and anger. But each face seems vaguely familiar. One raises its arms and flames lick around my feet - the smell of burnt flesh fills the room I am in, and the pain is unbelievable, then it goes away, just for a moment, before it starts again.. this time the flames cover my entire body, and I burn, writhing and screaming in pain.

The last thought before everything goes dark and I wake up, is a quote, from a movie: "There is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.."


I only ever had the dream once. I never thought anything of it. But the night before I caught the bus home, I had the dream again. This time, the faces were recognisable. This time, I knew exactly who the 'demons' were. My flatmates, and my landlord. I didn't realise it fully until I arrived home this evening, and one of them had her face screwed up, pressed into mine, screaming at me. I had seen it before...

.. I don't want to dream tonight. I already know what I'll find there.

4 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

stuff [01 Jun 2005|01:38am]
[ mood | cold ]

My dreams are random, short, brilliant, yet doomed. I mourn their passing every morning.


Yesterday I was arrested for tomorrows murder,
Tomorrow I am released for yesterdays suicide..

1 silent tear :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[24 May 2005|09:41pm]
Yesterday my life fell apart. Today my life is falling apart. Tomorrow my life will fall apart. All things are one moment. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. Today is tomorrow's yesterday. Time has no meaning to a mind freed from such constraints. To a freed mind, Time is what you make it. This is not where the story begins. This is not where the story ends. This is not the story.



It is one thing to realise, in a flash suddenly, that your life is falling apart and there is nothing you can do to stop it. It is entirely another to realise that your life will fall apart in six months time, and take no action to stop it. That requires a certain lack of sanity, a certain acquisition of insanity, to stand and look at your life and realise you will fall if you do nothing, yet have neither the will nor reason to stop it. This is not where the story begins. This is not where the story ends. This is not the story.



In less than a week, I have nearly died twice. Once was my choice, averted at the last moment by.. doubt? Fear? Unfinished business? The other was not of my chosing, though in reflection, had it be of my choice, no action I took would have changed. It was averted at the last moment by.. luck? Chance? Random chaos? In the next week, I will not chose again, to die or not to die. Choice is an illusion, free will is an illusion. The purpose of life is not to choose, but to understand the choices that were already made for you. This is not where the story begins. This is not where the story ends. This is not the story.



This is not the story...
7 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[20 May 2005|10:52am]
[ mood | listless ]

Brief update on review.. still in the works. Person I'm writing it for has asked me to hold off spreading it until afterwards.. so I can only give you the teaser first paragraph:


STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH delivers George Lucas' 'stunning finale' to the epic and cinema defining Star Wars saga. SITH was undoubtably Lucas' final chance to prove to fans who were gravely disappointed in Episode I and mildly frustrated by Episode II that he still has the magic touch that made the original movies so incredibly awesome, even in light of todays cinema. Starting off with a reasonable bang, continuing at a mild jaunt, a half-hearted temporary climax of sorts, then a belaboured sprint for the finishing line and the grand finale, or what passes for it.. SITH comes across at times as a desperate plea to STILL LOVE GEORGE, however at others it feels like the movie that the first two should have been.


I'm really not a movie reviwer..

2 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith [19 May 2005|05:20pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Yes, I've seen it. Yes, a review is coming shortly. In the wonderful, ozy_y2k styles we all know and love. Going to see it again, shortly...



In the mean time, a quick question which might do as a basic review: Does wishing all over again I had the power to use the Force and remove 95% of the worlds population from existance mean the movie is good? If the answer is yes, then this movie is damn awesome, because I don't think I've ever felt the desire so strongly..

2 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[08 May 2005|04:24am]
I can't sleep again. I'm always more aware of my own flaws when I'm tired and especially so when someone is actively laying them down in front of me, listing them like a fucking disemotional psychologist. It fucks me off. I am not a list of flaws. I am me. You know what my real problem is? I'm me. That's my problem. If I wasn't me, I wouldn't have half the problems I have. Obviously. I am not your sterile lists of studied examples of previous assumptions by people who probably know nothing. I am not your list of options to extort more money from me or the system. I am not you. Do not judge me. Do not condemn me.



Why does this only make sense in my head, and never in words, on the screen or on paper?




Does anybody really understand this? Does anyone have any idea what I'm going through right now? :( Can anybody help me...?
3 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[23 Apr 2005|09:08am]
Repost from my friend monterra for my other groups of friends..:




See? You're all doomed.. >:D
3 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[14 Apr 2005|05:40am]
Since I finally found an interesting one (oh dear), I'm going to acquisce to the request, and post this up (stolen from incyr)

Ask me four questions -- any four, no matter how personal, dirty, private, or absurd. I have to answer them honestly. In turn, you have to post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.
2 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[25 Mar 2005|11:32pm]
I am now utterly, totally, and completely pissed off at this computer. I had a 20 minute entry written out. It vanished when the computer crashed for the third time this hour. I will not be held accountable for my actions, shortly. I'm going to destroy it, piece by piece. It was one of those rare breeds of entries, a rant with humour, and it was GOOD. And it was POSTWORTHY. The first post in the last few weeks that I haven't deleted straight away off hand before even thinking about pushing the post button.


I am pissed. I will see you Tuesday with a proper update, hopefully.
1 silent tear :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[18 Mar 2005|12:26pm]
Sometime between late last night, and early this morning, I started coughing blood. This wasn't *too* worrying, as it wasn't any great quantity, just the occasional fleck of red, but it was definately blood, and it was definately being coughed by a worsening cough, so I went to the doctor this morning and came away with four MORE sets of pills to take - I swear they can't all be good or right to take at once - which is why I should have looked closer and realise two are morning, one is midday, and the others are evening. (I had two already). Now that I'm not going to be risking quite possibly a lethal overdose again (I feel like a complete fucking moron, no wonder I got rather giddy yesterday), I'm feeling better, the symptoms have been nullified, at least for the next few hours or so, and I can attempt to get on with a normal life- like writing an essay due in 12 days regarding either the Telelogical Argument or the Cosmological argument for the existance of G-d.

Simply because I know Phaedra and Ozy will LOVE to hear my thoughts on the matter, I'm going to post the essay, along with probably a running commentary of my other thoughts on the matter in an LJ post when it gets done. (probably on the morning of the 30th, at 2am or something crazy like that - totally my style.), and it will be good.. should really make for a cracker of a Live Journal.


Cause g-d knows everything else I write here is freaking shoddy.
10 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

The irony is killing me.. (slowly) [17 Mar 2005|10:10pm]
I went in to get a flu shot two days ago, because I had chronic problems with the flu last year, I suffered at least two definate and one probable bouts, and I really didn't need that this year - and lo and behold, two days later, I am showing full blown symptoms and complaining on the phone to a Doctor who insists that I never had the flu shot because his records don't show it.


Needless to say, the needle in my arm came from the heroin, of course, and I am a hash-loving crack-snorting, meth-loving idiot, apparently. Despite the form I have beside me which details the procedure of the injection, and also states that "While the possibility of a full blown infection is slim, please call the clinic with your concerns if you do feel you are having a full blown attack." Well, HELLO, I AM doing that right now, and the incompetent fuck-off on the end was treating me firstly as an idiot, and then as a druggie who was delusional because my speech was somewhat slurred (so would yours be if your fucking throat was swollen to the point where it actually hurts to talk swallow, and you were feeling slightly high on painkillers..! Fucking jackass.)


In the end, I walked down to the health center (a 20 minute walk, in the cold today), and planted the form on the desk infront of him, and muttered "Now will your incompetent doctor who I spent twentyfive minutes on the phone to believe I have the flu thanks to your fucking flu shot?". Shortly afterwards, I was in the office of another doctor who was more sympathetic, and gave me some wonderful stuff which has cleared up most of the pain, but as a side-effect left me feeling as high as a kite at times (I tend to wander between periods of lucidity, my flatmates actually got worried when I couldn't open my door because I said that a little green puppet thing that looked like Yoda was blocking it with his lightsabre, and then apparently I yelled "It IS Yoda!"..)


Ermm, maybe the fact that I haven't really slept for the last 40 hours because of the freaking flu is causing some of that as well.. I fucking HATE being sick..
6 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

[07 Mar 2005|12:50am]
I got bored. Shut it..

The things in bold are true..Collapse )
13 silent tears :: Make a Silent Cry to your God

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